And so it goes...

Epoch

2009-01-06T23:45:00.000-08:00

So pretty much these(way below) are the lyrics to two very well known songs that well at the moment they define my life...
I just love the word epoch.... it's like a story.. a tale.. of a moment so definably historic that we could even call it epic.... haha I love how they put it on wikipedia...
"Epoch (reference date) - A defining moment in the beginning of, or characteristic of, a distinctive historical period or era.
On the geologic time scale, a span of time smaller than a "period" and larger than an "age".
A phase in the development of the universe with distinctive properties during the the Big Bang.
Really it's a turning point... a quantum shift... but it's not immediate... it takes time.. it's like a cruise liner... it takes forever to get up to speed but once it does... you aren't gonna stop it easy.. I've been called an oak.. is that a prophetic word? what is a prophetic word? if it's nothing more than someone being able to see something inside you because God made it possible.. then yeah it was.. and funny thing is... Oak tree's mature at the age of 20... I'm almost there... I'm at the edge of this cliff, waiting just waiting to go over and begin something more... and really at this point all it's going to take is the gentle shift of the wind to push me over.... and all I really want to know is who is going to be that wind?
What happens once things have turned over is of little importance compared to that question...
Who is going to have such an impact upon my life? Do I already know them? or will I meet them while abroad? I'd like to imagine that this person is my future wife... but we all know God does things in His own way... Maybe I'm just so fed up with watching people walk out or be taken away.... family is the only thing that endures... the ones God gave me to.. and the ones God has since given to me..
I'm so ready to begin my own... and I know I'm so very unprepared and currently ill equipped for marriage let alone raising kids... but no matter how much someone prepares for it they can never be ready for everything... there will always be tough times in any marriage.. in any family relationship... the most important thing is to love... not just feel but to work your freaking ass off to make things work... and mom we don't always get along but no matter what we love eachother so much and things always work out... we've just never had the space needed to work on the years of tension, mistrust and mistakes on both our parts(although admittedly mostly mine) I haven't always listened to God... and we've fought so many times because I was being a stupid git... but we get along so much better now... things are getting better, I'm starting to listen... starting to know what God wants of me... and that gives me hope... hope for the future... I want kids so badly... gahhh I know that's so weird.. I'm not supposed to so desperately want a family until I'm like 3 or something... but we all know I was not raised to be like the average guy.... I mean.. I was taught to cook and clean and like chickflics.. and to need family... even if I ran from who I am for most of my life.. doesn't mean I don't know who I am deep down... I want God to say it's time already... to give me my wife... not that I want to get married in the next six months... but within the next two? well I could go for that... I've already decided kids in the next five one way or another..lol and I can be pretty darn stubborn... I know that God puts things so deeply on our hearts, gives us our heart passions, because they are things that are important to HIm... so I figure if I give God this time frame... he'll meet me... not that he'll bend to my will or anything.. but that He'll hear what I want and make me ready for what I desire...
so ma.. 5 years... 5 years.. and you'll have a tiny pink lump of skin and love that will one day call you gramma... how does that sound? To the rest of you... I know.. all this sounds so weird.. or maybe to some of you it's so very familiar because you're getting to that point in your life where all your waiting for is God to give you the a-ok... and I ain't gonna rush into anything... definitely waiting for God to give the go ahead... this is just what's been on my mind and heart for ohh.. the last 6 moths or so.. slowly but steadily getting stronger and heavier... and wow 20 seems so young... to me and I'm sure it seems that way to many of you.. but I've never really been 20.. never had the chance... I've always been 13 going on 30... I was forced to grow so quickly, and at the same time struggled to stay young, to be a kid with no responsibilities... I didn't want to grow up and be responsible... there was to much pain in being a grown up all they did was hurt themselves and eachother.
And seriously... an average of 40-60 years with my wife is in no way long enough for me... so I kinda want to squeeze out every moment I can.... anyways that's just some thoughts... enjoy the lyrics below... try to here the hope and passion that's biding it's time behind the pain...

"Hurt"

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

"Superman"

I cant stand to fly
Im not that naive
Im just out to find
The better part of me

Im more than a bird...Im more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
Its not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Ill never see

It may sound absurd...but dont be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wont you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Its not easy to be me

Up, up and away...away from me
Its all right...you can all sleep sound tonight
Im not crazy...or anything...

I cant stand to fly
Im not that naive
Men werent meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

Im only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me

Im only a man
In a funny red sheet
Im only a man
Looking for a dream

Im only a man
In a funny red sheet
And its not easy, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm...

Its not easy to be me

Of My Love

2008-08-28T00:08:00.000-07:00

I am no poet or musician, both of whom with cunning words describe passion. Nor am I an artist, who with his hands shows the world how he feels.I am but a simple man. All I have to give, in expression of my love, is my life. And yet; even that I can not give for I am God's. And so I go before Him and plead that He give me leave, to for a short while, stay by your side. To love and cherish and hold you. So that you might also love me.

The Dating Game

2008-08-28T00:07:00.000-07:00

What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?

It's funny how a minute ago I was saying I'd never go after a girl unless God said this is the one, and now my mind has been changed for me by piece of flair.lol
I've been there; going into a relationship knowing the ending before it even begins... it's seductive, addictive... it's power in its raw. To know that girl over there, the one every guy in the room is talking about is going to be yours by the end of 10 minutes and she won't even know it until to late, thinking she's the one who caught you... allowed to believe that illusion simply because it makes her more willing to conform to your will, the belief that it's what she really wants pervades her mind as she walks the path laid before her by you. To be a player in this game backed by power most others only talk about in their fantasies. Put in terms of it's true identity; it's like walking a dog on a leash, the dog walks in front believing that it's in control of where it's going when in all reality it's bound to your will, you control left, right, straight, circles...... That image is disgusting when used to describe a human relationship but treating any human that way is even more disgusting. Guess that puts some perspective on dating, eh?

So in answer if I knew I could not fail, I wouldn't even try. What's the point of the journey if you already know the very details of the end? It brings up questions of how will I know I'm pursuing the right person if I'm not willing to know who I'm marrying in the end? well I really don't know, I guess I'll leave that one up to God and not worry about it until I meet a girl I would actually consider spending the rest of my life with, after taking a careful look at whether or not it might work.

My Prayer

2008-08-28T00:06:00.001-07:00

Have I interpreted wrongly? Or is this broken promise merely the by product of humanities nature to time and time again ruin God's perfectly laid plans for our lives? Am I to fault for this? Did I do something that I was not supposed to? Am I guilty of not doing enough; neglect being my proverbial noose? Or have a followed His words as I believe I have? Was the fulfilment of this promise ever even up to me? For I followed His guidance and still I am here, writing this, thinking even more. I am told that I must call upon the name of the Lord and He will give me peace; I HAVE called upon the Lord and He has answered. Yet peace is something that I could still use more of. Don't they realize that God never promised we would live easy lives? If anything living as Christ would have us creates more difficulties in our lives. He only promised that we would have the strength through Him to get through anything. I have that strength even now or I would not care enough to write this, let alone still work towards His ends.

As I go through the motions of daily life; it's a lie, I am forced to feign joy for the sake of those around me, how could I think to drag anyone else down with me? I feel as if I have failed Him, He told me something of my future and now the opposite is happening, how is that not my fault? A good friend once told me that God doesn't think twice about the times we fail to follow His commands, that He forgives us, telling us to learn from our mistake and to look for the next opportunity that He presents in our lives. She was right but how can I let go of this? I am reminded daily of how I screwed up what could have been and I don't even know how the outcome could have turned out any differently because I followed His words. How does that make sense? He shows me a little of His future plans, tells me what I need to do to attain this in my life, I follow His guidance and everything turns into a disaster? Am I responsible for that? I followed His guidance. Even now He is saying "don't give up. I have told you what I have planned for you. The pain is worth the end rewards." And even as I write, I see His plan like an old man lying in a hospital bed, rapidly fading from a genetic disease that he had no control over in the first place; and even life support can't hold him much longer. How do you save a man who has already resigned himself to his fate? I am lost. I don't want to carry on, to percevere. I'd rather just walk away from this and never look back, yet I find myself carrying on. I am getting the strength to do His will, despite the fact that I'd rather just become complacent. If it weren't for God telling me to not give this thing up, I would be able to move on and continue to live my life, enjoying myself for days on end. As it is my joy is always interupted just when I am beginning to forget the depth of my pain.

My prayer is that His will be done in not just my life but in the lives around me as well.

Life is Simple

2008-08-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

We believe in God when he helps us solve our difficulties. But when he doesn't, he is believing in you.

I was bored so here goes: The only worthless people are those who don't care. If you've never failed than the things you've succeeded at hold no importance. Strive to find your limits because in doing so you realize that "perfect" is the sad little anthem of those who have never tried. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder... physical beauty is a pathetic illusion created by culture, If your character and personality are beautiful than no matter the mask you wear you will be seen as beautiful. The world tells us that being different is a good thing but in all reality it persecutes those who are, showing us that being the same is what is safe, dare to be different for that's when your mind will transcend that of "everyone else". Changing the world doesn't start in the White House or Congress, it starts with YOU; let your life be an example than the world will change. In this MTV, CNN, Myspace world you will always be told what to do, to think, when to try and when to fail. You will be told what is important and what is not. Hold to your moral and logical codes, otherwise you will be lost in the landslide. If I lived every day of my life walking along worthless pathways, following a daily routine, living on a get it over with bases. wondering each day, each week, each month whether I could afford my continuing existence, never doing anything with my life, never seeing any of Gods creation; and at the end I was blessed with the sight of one solitary flower...I would consider it a life not wasted. Life is simple, people make it complicated.

Jesus

2008-03-06T21:43:00.000-08:00

Jesus is the most influential man to ever live. Even if He wasn't God and never did any miracles, He not only founded the most influential institution to, again, ever exist but His teachings are as much a part of our society and world religions that we would literally still be in the dark ages if He hadn't radically changed how the world viewed God and religion, not to mention thought process and subconscious emotional anomalies. I mean look at the United States of America; If Jesus had never existed neither would we. Our country was founded because of people who wanted to worship God and Jesus without persecution. Our laws are based around simple moral truths that were set down by Jesus. It's true, before Jesus many of the things that we see as just a fact of life were not even thought of because the population of that time simply didn't have the same set of morals that we now have. I mean come on when was the last time you saw someone get stoned to death for saying something bad about a political or religious leader? If you saw it would you automatically join in with a gusto? Would you enjoy it? No I didn't think so. Not unless your mentally imbalanced. Jesus literally made the world what it is today. And seeing as I know Jesus is God and yet He came down to earth in the form of a mere mortal man and sacrificed Himself for our salvation it just makes it all the more amazing.

God Bless

GPS-God's Plan for our Salvation

2008-03-06T21:26:00.001-08:00

So I was sitting on myspace... and I thought "I don't have a blog yet" Now for me that's unusual I like to have something up that others can read and possibly think "this is good! It really applies to my life." I like to think that the knowledge I have gained through experiencing these few years of life can be used by someone else to get there life straighter, or answer a complicated question that they just can't seem to shake. So here goes my shortest blog ever.
God gave us a choice follow Him or die. And out of that freedom came Satan quickly followed by the temptation of Eve and death, aka the knowledge of good AND evil, for their descendants(note that I don't say all of mankind and I'll address that later) Now I'm not talking about physical death, I'm talking about spiritual death which isn't death so to speak, it's eternal damnation. That's right if you aren't perfect, if you ever sin even once you will be damned to live in eternity not With Satan but WITHOUT God. That's frightening right? That God expects, no that's not right, that God DEMANDS your perfection? Then what's the point of even trying? I mean no one's perfect everyone sins. This very question is what the Bible is all about. The Bible tells us the story of Jesus Christ from beginning to end, nothing less nothing more. Jesus didn't come until the new testaments you say? God knows all that is and will be! He knew Eve would be tempted and sin, He knew that all their descendants would be damned to separation from Him. He wrote the law, How could he not know. But God had a plan and this plan was our salvation through the sacrifice of His son, The Holy Lamb, the Innocent Man who took the chains of the convict upon Himself. God's sacrifice was the only way that we could be with Him and our Father loves us. He desires for us to spend eternity with Him. So He sent Jesus to be our Saviour and our example of how to live. Jesus was in constant communion with God. There was not a thing that Jesus said or did that he had not checked with his Father first. God was aways on his mind 24/7. Literally. This isn't an impossible thing just a difficult one. You breathe right? Do you constantly have to think breathe..breathe. No you don't and if you work at it God can be your breath. You can have him continually refreshing your life. Remember God is always there your just not always thinking of Him. If you can accomplish this, constant communion with God, then everything else that God wants of you will happen because you will do nothing that does not pass His inspection and He will be constantly leading and directing your thoughts and actions.

Ok so now that I've addressed our salvation it's back to the Human race and the first sin by Eve and then Adam.
The Bible is the story of Jesus Christ from beginning to end, nothing more, nothing less.
I believe that there were other people in the Garden. And that when The Garden was sealed off some of them chose to leave, this comes from the Bible talking about the sons of God and daughters of Eve having physical communion. The reason the Bible doesn't address this is because it is only about the Story of Jesus Christ. There are many things it doesn't answer because of this. And as frustrating as this might be just imagine if the Bible contained every detail about how and why he created the universe and not just the Story of our Salvation. If you have questions about this just ask me. I'd be happy to answer them if I can.

God Bless