Epoch

So pretty much these(way below) are the lyrics to two very well known songs that well at the moment they define my life... 
I just love the word epoch.... it's like a story.. a tale.. of a moment so definably historic that we could even call it epic.... haha I love how they put it on wikipedia...
"Epoch (reference date) - A defining moment in the beginning of, or characteristic of, a distinctive historical period or era.
On the geologic time scale, a span of time smaller than a "period" and larger than an "age".
A phase in the development of the universe with distinctive properties during the the Big Bang.
Really it's a turning point... a quantum shift... but it's not immediate... it takes time.. it's like a cruise liner... it takes forever to get up to speed but once it does... you aren't gonna stop it easy.. I've been called an oak.. is that a prophetic word? what is a prophetic word? if it's nothing more than someone being able to see something inside you because God made it possible.. then yeah it was.. and funny thing is... Oak tree's mature at the age of 20... I'm almost there... I'm at the edge of this cliff, waiting just waiting to go over and begin something more... and really at this point all it's going to take is the gentle shift of the wind to push me over.... and all I really want to know is who is going to be that wind?
What happens once things have turned over is of little importance compared to that question... 
Who is going to have such an impact upon my life? Do I already know them? or will I meet them while abroad? I'd like to imagine that this person is my future wife... but we all know God does things in His own way... Maybe I'm just so fed up with watching people walk out or be taken away.... family is the only thing that endures... the ones God gave me to.. and the ones God has since given to me.. 
I'm so ready to begin my own... and I know I'm so very unprepared and currently ill equipped for marriage let alone raising kids... but no matter how much someone prepares for it they can never be ready for everything... there will always be tough times in any marriage.. in any family relationship... the most important thing is to love... not just feel but to work your freaking ass off to make things work... and mom we don't always get along but no matter what we love eachother so much and things always work out... we've just never had the space needed to work on the years of tension, mistrust and mistakes on both our parts(although admittedly mostly mine) I haven't always listened to God... and we've fought so many times because I was being a stupid git... but we get along so much better now... things are getting better, I'm starting to listen... starting to know what God wants of me... and that gives me hope... hope for the future... I want kids so badly... gahhh I know that's so weird.. I'm not supposed to so desperately want a family until I'm like 3 or something... but we all know I was not raised to be like the average guy.... I mean.. I was taught to cook and clean and like chickflics.. and to need family... even if I ran from who I am for most of my life.. doesn't mean I don't know who I am deep down... I want God to say it's time already... to give me my wife... not that I want to get married in the next six months... but within the next two? well I could go for that... I've already decided kids in the next five one way or another..lol and I can be pretty darn stubborn... I know that God puts things so deeply on our hearts, gives us our heart passions, because they are things that are important to HIm... so I figure if I give God this time frame... he'll meet me... not that he'll bend to my will or anything.. but that He'll hear what I want and make me ready for what I desire...
so ma.. 5 years... 5 years.. and you'll have a tiny pink lump of skin and love that will one day call you gramma... how does that sound? To the rest of you... I know.. all this sounds so weird.. or maybe to some of you it's so very familiar because you're getting to that point in your life where all your waiting for is God to give you the a-ok... and I ain't gonna rush into anything... definitely waiting for God to give the go ahead... this is just what's been on my mind and heart for ohh.. the last 6 moths or so.. slowly but steadily getting stronger and heavier... and wow 20 seems so young... to me and I'm sure it seems that way to many of you.. but I've never really been 20.. never had the chance... I've always been 13 going on 30... I was forced to grow so quickly, and at the same time struggled to stay young, to be a kid with no responsibilities... I didn't want to grow up and be responsible... there was to much pain in being a grown up all they did was hurt themselves and eachother.
And seriously... an average of 40-60 years with my wife is in no way long enough for me... so I kinda want to squeeze out every moment I can.... anyways that's just some thoughts... enjoy the lyrics below... try to here the hope and passion that's biding it's time behind the pain...

"Hurt"

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way


"Superman"

I cant stand to fly
Im not that naive
Im just out to find
The better part of me

Im more than a bird...Im more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
Its not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Ill never see

It may sound absurd...but dont be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wont you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Its not easy to be me

Up, up and away...away from me
Its all right...you can all sleep sound tonight
Im not crazy...or anything...

I cant stand to fly
Im not that naive
Men werent meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

Im only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me

Im only a man
In a funny red sheet
Im only a man
Looking for a dream

Im only a man
In a funny red sheet
And its not easy, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm...

Its not easy to be me